Curtain Call Page 4

  I hadn’t been kidding when I had said I hated this place. The last time I was here, Josh and I had ordered champagne to celebrate my twenty-first birthday. Not the wisest move since I knew the champagne would make me sick. I spent a good chunk of the night locked in a bathroom stall. Not a good memory.

  Renee led us through the crowd, wriggling between the best-looking guys she could find. I noticed that their eyes followed her backside as she moved away. She tossed a few saucy glances over her shoulder, looking completely in her element. Angela stuck closer to me, a smile plastered on her face. I had been surprised in the car with how much Angela had wanted to come here, given her normal aversion to bars. As we approached the bar, I realized why she’d been so anxious to come.

  “Hi, Marty,” she beamed as she climbed up onto a barstool. Marty leaned over the bar and whispered something that made Angela giggle. She looked so gloriously happy that little daggers of jealousy dug into my stomach. I knew Marty from classes, and although I never would have paired them up, I was really happy Angela had finally found someone.

  I sat down next to Angela while Renee positioned herself strategically against the bar. Within seconds she had been asked to dance and disappeared into the crowd. A moment later, Marty appeared around the side of the bar, and stretched out his hand to Angela.

  “Marty has a fifteen minute break so we’re going to dance, is that okay?” she asked, yelling over the roar of the crowd and the music.

  “Have fun,” I yelled back, giving double thumbs up. My heart sank into my stomach as the crowd swallowed her.

  “Is this seat taken?” a voice asked close to my ear, causing me to jump.

  “Max!” I grinned, relieved to see a familiar face.

  “Want to dance?” He gestured toward the dance floor.

  I accepted his hand. He twined his fingers through mine. The smoothness of his skin surprised me. I was used to the calluses on Josh’s hands from his years of playing sports. Doubt and guilt licked along the perimeter of my emotions. Holding Max’s hand made me feel like a horrible person.

  Still I joined him in the frenzied mosh pit-like atmosphere, doing my best to shove the negative thoughts aside. Max kept his hand firmly in mine so we didn’t lose each other in the wild jumping, flailing beast that surrounded us. Looking around in the dimly lit room, it was hard to tell where one person ended and another began.

  I was laughing from the sheer exhilaration of being on the dance floor and was out of breath by the time the music ended. My dark mood had lifted, and blood hummed happily through my veins. Max looked down at me and then swooped me up into a hug. I froze. When he released me, the guilt thundered in my ears so loudly that I thought I might pass out.

  “I…this…um…” I stammered, looking up at Max.

  For a moment, confusion flickered across his features, but then he smiled and leaned close to me. “It’s not like that, Hannah,” he said. “Come on, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

  Now I just felt stupid and embarrassed. Of course, he had a girlfriend. He was just taking pity on me. And he didn’t even know why. A bitter laugh escaped my lips, but Max didn’t hear it because of the noise around us.

  He put an arm around me as we neared a bank of tables near the back of the bar. “Hannah, I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Luisa.”

  “Oh!” I said, my eyes widening. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “So you are the girl who will be monopolizing all my boyfriend’s time for the next four months,” Luisa said, a slight European accent coloring her words. Not French. Maybe Italian? “You’re lucky I’m not the jealous type.”

  I laughed and slid into a chair beside her. I liked her wide-open smile. “Don’t worry, I have a boy…” I trailed off. My laughter fled.

  Luisa arched an eyebrow at me. “You have a boy. I hear a but.”

  I felt my lips twist into a wry smile. “It’s complicated. We’re on a break.”

  “I won’t pry,” Luisa said, patting my hand.

  Max sat down in a chair between the two of us. “She’ll pry, don’t worry. Just give her five minutes to get to know you. She’ll have your life story before you know it.”

  Luisa shook her head but smiled affectionately at Max. “Don’t listen to him. I’m harmless. I’m going to get another margarita, can I get you anything?”

  “No, thanks, not drinking tonight,” I said.

  Max nodded. “Usual.”

  “She’s sweet,” I said.

  “Ain’t it the truth?” Max said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. “So tell me about your complicated love life.”

  I laughed. “Too much to tell. And you said Luisa was dangerous.”

  Max reached over and grabbed my hand. “Oh, come on,” he said, laughing. “Just remember my grade relies on you being a functional member of society.”

  “Right,” I said. “I think you just like gossip. Maybe someday I’ll tell you. But for now I need to find my friends. They don’t know where I am.”

  Max dropped a kiss on my cheek before I walked away, and the brotherliness of it made me feel better. I scanned the crowd in an attempt to locate Angela or Renee. My eyes ached as they tried to adjust to the constantly changing light. As I turned toward the bar, I ran right into someone. Strong hands steadied me, their familiar roughness tickling the delicate skin on my forearms.

  Josh’s jaw clenched. I could see the little vein on the side of his neck pulsing. He dipped his head low, so that his lips grazed my ear. “Nice to see you’ve found a replacement already.”

  Irritation and anger flew through me. I gave Josh a hard shove in his chest. “That’s my friend Max,” I shouted. “He’s here with his fiancée.”

  I could see Josh trying to decide if he believed me. “Dance with me,” he said.

  Taking my hand, he led me through the sweaty, pulsing crowd to the middle of the dance floor. The DJ started a song with a heavy techno beat. Strobe lights began to flash. Josh’s face looked edgy in the flickering lights. We began to move with the beat. In that moment, I remembered how well we fit together.

  Josh slid his hands down my back, resting on my hips, drawing me closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressed my body against the long, lean length of his. My blood started to hum through my veins, and I could feel the flush of heat spreading through my abdomen. Our eyes met in the dim light, and the next second Josh’s lips were on mine.

  I tangled my fingers through his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Everything about his touch and taste felt new and exciting, and yet completely familiar. He broke the kiss with a strangled sound, and let his kiss drift to my jaw, then down my neck.

  Just as Josh’s fingers slipped under the hem of my tank top, brushing along the skin of my belly, the lights changed, getting brighter. The change jolted me from my lust-filled haze. I realized that people were watching Josh and I make out on the dance floor and embarrassment replaced desire.

  I jerked away, tears filling my eyes. I was such a weepy mess lately. I sure was glad that test came back negative or I would be worried. “What are you doing?”

  Confusion twisted Josh’s features. “I was just…”

  “You were just what?” I demanded. “This is exactly why we broke up. And here we are again. You said you’d give me space.”

  Josh stepped closer. “I am giving you space. I didn’t expect to see you tonight. Especially not dressed like that.”

  That comment distracted me out of my tears. I glanced down at the outfit Renee had chosen for me. “Like what?” I asked.

  “Hannah, come on, you look hot, and you know it,” Josh said, and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, it was just a kiss. I wasn’t going to jump you and drag you back to my bed.”

  “You just don’t get it, Josh,” I said, digging down deep to keep my resolve. “This isn’t a joke for me.”

  My eyes darted toward Max. Would it be better for Josh to believe I was seeing him? Easier somehow? Luisa wasn’t back at the
table yet.

  “He’s engaged, huh?” Josh bit out, his eyes never leaving mine.

  I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him. I knew enough about myself to know that I wasn’t a liar and didn’t intend to become one.

  Josh face grew stony. Apparently my silence was enough for him. “Grow up, Hannah. You aren’t the only one in this. Stop messing with me.”

  “I…”

  Josh waved his hand dismissively before I could finish.

  “I don’t know what’s going on and I’m not sure I want to,” he said. “But when you figure things out, then we can talk.”

  I watched him walk across the dance floor, waving off a friend who tried to talk to him. Confusion warred in me. I had tried to tell him that this whole break had nothing to do with him, but obviously that was a lie. He was one-half of the problem, while we were sleeping together, at least. But I knew deep inside that sleeping with him wasn’t the whole issue. It was certainly what made me realize there was something wrong, but now I wondered how far the problems had embedded themselves before I had the sense to recognize them.

  And I wasn’t ready to look inside myself just yet for the answers.

  Chapter Four

  “You are coming, right?”

  Hayley came into my room, a brush in one hand and her unplugged hair dryer in the other. I put a bracelet on and asked, “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Oh come on, you haven’t been in a while,” she said. “I’ll be ready to leave in fifteen minutes.”

  I watched her leave as I mentally calculated the last time I had been to my parents’ house for dinner. Obviously I had been home for Christmas. Then we had dinner on New Year’s Day. That had been the last time because Josh had been there. Ever since our break I had been avoiding family because I just couldn’t deal with the disappointed looks like I had done something wrong. Josh had been a part of my family, and that made this break all the harder.

  I added a ring Josh had given me for Christmas. At the time I had thought it was a promise ring. Looking at it now, I knew that’s what he had had in mind. Yet he’d never said anything. If he had wanted to marry me so badly why hadn’t he talked about it more? My fear was that it had everything to do with our physical relationship. Maybe he just thought it was the next logical step and decided to go through the motions.

  Heaving a soul- deep sigh, I turned and grabbed my purse off the hook near my door. I had mentioned to my mom that Josh and I were taking a break. Her response had been quiet and confused. She had asked a few questions, but hadn’t gone so far as to pry for the reason. I didn’t know if she had told my dad or not, but he wasn’t really a concern. He’d support me no matter what. My older sister, Harlow, and Grandma were the ones who really made my stomach knot.

  And I was sure they would be there tonight.

  Fifteen minutes later, Hayley and I waited downstairs for our dad to pick us up. We shivered in the entryway to our apartment building.

  “I wish I still had a car,” I said, stuffing my hands deeper into my pockets.

  “That piece of crap wouldn’t have helped in this cold anyway,” Hayley grumbled.

  I knew better than to argue with her, so I pressed my face against the glass. Thankfully my dad’s car slid up to the curb minutes later. We dashed through the cold to the warmth of the car. Hayley got to the car first, so she claimed the front seat. I slipped gratefully into the backseat. Hayley began to chatter immediately about some fundraiser her sorority was doing.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” My dad greeted me and gave Hayley a playful ruffle of the hair.

  With a weak smile, I returned his greeting. The concern on his face told me he knew about the situation with Josh. Who knew what Mom had told him?

  I closed my eyes as we drove across town. Ever since my fight with Josh at the club, we hadn’t talked. The week had been one of extreme emotions, and every night without fail, I reached for my phone to call him as I curled up in bed. And each night I held off. A break meant that I needed to give myself time to grow and fix what was broken. The only problem was I had no idea where to start. And yet, I needed to be fair to Josh too. I was ashamed to admit that until Twisters I had been so wrapped up in my own emotions that I hadn’t really thought about Josh’s feelings. Thinking of Josh hurting made everything all the harder. Even though this break between us was for me, I couldn’t make it all about me.

  Mom greeted us at the door, handing our coats to Dad before he had his off. She shooed us into the living room where our two-year-old niece Britney sat coloring. She had two fat crayons gripped in her chubby little hands, and she was creating her masterpiece on Mom’s coffee table. The coloring book lay long forgotten on the floor.

  “Hi Britty-brit,” Hayley said in a singsong voice, scooping the little girl into her arms and making her giggle.

  I sank down onto the sofa then leaned over to see the thick wax lines running helter-skelter along the top of the pretty nut colored wood. “Wow, Britty, that’s a pretty picture. Did you show your mama?” I asked.

  Hayley set Britney down on her feet as the little girl giggled. “Mama!” she called. “Mama!”

  A moment later, Harlow appeared from the kitchen looking very much herself in a tight dress, but as she collected her daughter into her arms for a big hug, she transformed into someone I still didn’t recognize. Her eyes glowed as she gazed down at the little girl.

  “Mama, look,” Britney said, pride coloring her voice as she pointed to the coffee table.

  “Oh, pretty,” Harlow cooed. “But Britty, we don’t draw on Grandma’s table, do we?”

  Britney tipped her head to one side as she looked up at Harlow. “No-no.”

  “That’s right, no-no,” Harlow said. “Let’s color a picture of Elmo for Grandma. Look, here he is in the coloring book. Maybe Auntie Hannah can help you while I clean up this table.”

  Harlow handed me a box of crayons, and I took my place on the floor beside Britney and the picture of a wide-eyed and wide-mouthed Elmo. We sat coloring while Hayley went into the kitchen to help Mom, and Harlow brought in a cleaning pad and spray.

  The moment felt magical to me for some reason. I paused, red crayon in mid-air, trying to place what felt so right about the moment. Looking around at my family doing such ordinary things, I couldn’t figure out what was striking me right in the heart. Britney leaned her warm little body against mine, and I wanted to stop time.

  Then the doorbell rang and reality shattered my mystical moment. Grandma and Duke were here. I could hear Grandma singing a made up song to Dad. She sounded manic, the lilting tone of her voice tinny and high. Duke rounded the corner, and his face lit up as he saw us.

  “I love coloring!” He snagged a crayon from the box and dropped to the floor beside Britney. “Who can Great Grandpa Duke color?”

  If I hadn’t known better, I would have said that Britney rolled her eyes and scooted closer to me. “No-no,” she said.

  Undeterred by a two-year-old’s rejection, Duke turned his attention to me. “So what’s new with you, Hannah Banana? How’s Josh? Is he here?”

  I froze. These were the very questions I wanted to avoid. Wrapping my arms around Britney, I felt her settle against me, and a calm settled over me. I ignored Duke’s question and said, “How’s the job? I heard you got promoted.”

  Duke smiled but it seemed forced. The corners of his mouth went taut from the effort. “Not in front of the ild-chay.”

  What in the world? He was speaking some hybrid of English and pig Latin because he didn’t want to talk about his risqué job as manager of a strip club in front of a two-year-old. Suppressing a laugh, I said, “Would you mind coloring with Britty for a while? I think Mom needs my help in the kitchen.”

  Duke’s whole body relaxed. “Absolutely. Miss Britney and I love coloring, don’t we, girl?”

  Britney looked up at me with wide eyes. She seemed to be begging me not to leave her with her weird faux great grandfather. My heart melted.


  “Actually I think I’ll take her into the kitchen and let her see what we’re having,” I said. “I read that it’s good for kids to get acquainted with their food before it’s served.”

  As I picked Britney up, Duke nodded seriously. “That makes so much sense,” he said. “I think I’ll just stay in here and finish this picture.”

  I left Duke to finish coloring Elmo, and found Mom in the kitchen with Harlow and Grandma. When she saw me, Grandma threw her arms around me, Britney and all, and fussed with my hair. I looked to Mom for help, but she avoided my gaze.

  Grandma sniffled and released me. “Why didn’t you call me when you started to have trouble with Josh?”

  I narrowed my eyes in my mom’s general direction, and extricated myself from Grandma’s arms. The silent pinch of anguish made me gasp. This was not the right time to have this conversation. I remembered again why I had been avoiding my family.

  “It’s my business, Grandma,” I said as politely as I could.

  Grandma dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. “Perhaps I could have thrown you a party at work,” she paused. “I could have taught you to pole dance. That often seems to make things livelier.”

  I froze. “What is it with everyone and sex?”

  Not waiting for a reply, I set a very startled Britney down on the floor, and stormed out to the family room. Anger choked me and a lump formed in my throat. The sofa creaked as I sat down hard.

  My head was swimming as I tried to sort out my thoughts. Each time a partial moment of clarity surfaced, it was slammed back down by some other minute insight. Was I really angry at Grandma? Or was I mad at Mom for saying something in the first place? Should I have stayed away longer?

  As if on cue to my last question, Harlow appeared at the doorway. She hovered there for a moment, and then joined me on the sofa. I noticed how…content she looked as she sank back onto the faded floral print that had clearly seen better days.